Justin and I get asked I feel like at least once a day if we are going to have another baby.
The answer varies. If you would have asked us last Winter the answer would have definitely been YES!
I feel like a lot of things have been happening recently to bring up what happened last August. August 26th date for some reason has been coming up a lot recently. Why? I have no idea. I can just be having a regular conversation with someone and that date will come up.
Why? You ask. That was the day Justin and I had a miscarriage.
It was completely devastating. I was shocked, confused, sad...all kinds of emotions. I mean, I had two babies already. Two babies without any kind of miscarriages before or in between. How could this happen? How could this happen to me?
It took awhile for me to tell anyone. I obviously called my Mom first thing. Scared to death. What just happened to me? I was an emotional wreck.
I would say "luckily, I did not even know I was pregnant," but I think all miscarriages you get the same kind of feeling. It's so hard no matter how far along you are. A baby is gone. Even though I did not know I was pregnant and it was so early, I still felt like a baby was taken away from me. It was. It was just taken away from me. How was I going to cope with that?
I still to this day have only told my close friends. It is nothing I like to talk about out loud really. I am usually: I can share everything with the world kinda girl, but this I felt so like "what did I do to make this happen?"
But recently I just feel like not only the date has came up in conversation but also miscarriages.
It is coming up upon a year now and I feel better talking about it.
It's devastating. I could never wish this upon any Mommy. But ya know what got honestly got me through it?! Knowing that HE has a plan. There is a reason we did not have a baby at that time.
God always has a plan. Funny how he works things out, huh?
So after suffering the miscarriage last Summer, there was no doubt about it, I wanted another baby and I wanted it right then. Of course after you have a miscarriage you have to wait. My Doctor told me I needed to have one menstrual cycle then we would be okay to get pregnant.
Here it is June 2013 and no baby. Why? Because I decided to get back on birth control.
Reality set in. Our house is not big enough. Do I really want to go back to the baby stage? I mean, after all my kids are independent now. They do not rely on me for every little thing anymore. Do we have enough money for me to take off the full 12 weeks of maternity leave? Lots of things went through my mind. So, right now the baby #3 answer is "NEVER SAY NEVER."
We are working on making house decision whether it be add on and remodel the one we have now or find some land to build on in a few years. There is no way we can fit three little munchkins in our house now. It is way too small.
I want to be able to give my kids everything. I want to still be able to do whatever we want to do without having to worry about money. I want to be able to pay for my kids college. I want to be able to get my kids cars when they turn 16. Do I really want to do that for 3 kids all so close in age together? I do not know.
Right now I feel so blessed to just have Drew and Dylan and if that is how it ends up, just a family a four, I am totally okay with that. I love being a boy mom. It is so so so fun.
But then on the other hand, I feel like our family is incomplete. I feel like I am meant to have another baby. I always said I did not want to have a baby past 30 since my pregnancies did not go very smooth, however, now that I am almost 30 I feel amazing and I'll tag on a few more years to decide...
Ya know the main thing I have learned about being a Mommy?! NEVER SAY NEVER!!!
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Oh, hi!!
This is just your usual: "oh my gosh I love my boys more than anything. everything is so much better with kids." post. Ya know. My typical talk.
But really though. How much better are things when you have kids? For real. Holidays. Birthdays. Everyday. AND....
BASEBALL GAMES!
Who would have thought I would have such a good time at a Cardinal Game??!! I know I didn't! :)
Twas a typical Cardinal Game Tuesday...
We headed out early to get to St. Louis on time for our Stadium Tour. Have you ever done this? If not, you totally should. It was only $10 a person. I purchased the tickets off the Cardinal Website a few months ago.
We started off the tour by visiting some of the club levels the Stadium offers. It was neat to see what all they had to offer in these all inclusive club levels. Would love to do that sometime. Plus...they offer air conditioned rooms for the summer. SCORE!
We also got to see the press box. Could Dylan be the next Mike Shannon?!
Oooohhh! I have to mention this. As we were waiting to get onto the field our group was lined up kind of close to the Visitor's (the Cubs) clubhouse. I seen this tall guy walking toward us in dress clothes. I asked Ju who it was and he said he was the Cubs Pitcher for the night. I thought it was pretty cool since he literally brushed my clothes he walked so close to me. (Only I would care about a celebrity brushing my clothes. Even if I had no clue who it was & still to this day do not know his name. Hehe.)
Anywho..back to the story here. They saved the best for last...the Cardinal Dugout.
The kids loved it. Heck, Justin loved it. He had never done this before, so I know he secretly thought I was the best wife EVA for planning this.
Drew kept his glove on 95% of the day. I'm not kidding either.
Isn't he just the cutest little guy ever with is two missing teeth that he fills up with his tongue when he smiles?!
There was one rule we had to follow while being down on the field and that was to NOT walk on the grass. Ya know, Dylan. My daredevil/rulebreaker...walked right on the edge...not ever touching the grass but close enough to give me a heart attack that we might get kicked out.
After the tour we had a good four hours to waste before the game. So we headed where else?! Hooters. Right when we walked in Drew says: "Ooh. Look Dad! Those girls are hot." Really child??
After we ate we headed down to the arch. How sad that I have not taken my kids to the arch yet? As many times as we are in St. Louis.
We still had hours to spare so Justin said that we should get there right when they open the gates to watch batting practice.
BEST. DECISION.EVER.
Oh my gosh. I can not explain the excitement Drew had while watching the batting practice. It was like he was in heaven. Heck, I was in heaven watching him. This right here is what it is all about. This right here is why I sweat it out at baseball games. I get joy watching his enjoyment.
Dylan even enjoyed it so much more than I thought he would.
We started off the game with ice cream in a helmet. It's a must when we are at the ball park. Then we continued with dippin dots, hot dogs, corn dogs, cotton candy, and peanuts. Whew.
During batting practice you hear all these kids yell for balls. Well Dylan took it upon himself to yell at a baseball player all on his own "Hey! Hey!" I guess the guy thought he was the cutest thing because he threw the ball right to him and kept smiling at him giving him a thumbs up and all. Dylan was beyond thrilled!!
They ended up getting "three major league balls" (as Drew would say) during batting practice. They had a ball. Literally.
Since we sat right above the Cardinals Bull Pen the boys got to see their favorite player up close catching, Molina. Poor Yadi. My kids yelled and yelled and yelled at him. "Yadi! Yadi! Yadi!"
All of this going on and the game hadn't even started. This was the first game the boys actually sat and watched. Well, okay, we may of had a little of this action going on...
But they kept their gloves on their little hands in hopes to catch a homerun. No such luck for them.
Before when we have taken the kids it's been a constant up and down for this and that and they are not watching the game. Justin would always end up going with his friends and we would take them to one game a season. But now that they are older, my gosh, it is so much more enjoyable and relaxing!!!
It was such a fun fab day with my little family! Could not have asked for a better day. (Well, okay..maybe if I would have bumped into Nelly it would have been fan-freakin-tabulous.)
Can't wait for many more Cardinal ball games in our future. Yes. I just said that.
I CANNOT WAIT FOR MORE CARDINAL GAMES IN OUR FUTURE!
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Baseball
Drew
Dylan
Family
First Tooth
Life Lately
Real Housewives of Williamson County
Travel
Just another Life Lately post...
Life lately...
Well as ya can tell life lately as been pretty crazy busy, as usual. I try to keep this blog up to date, however, like scrapbooking, I am catching myself getting behind.
I am also catching myself not getting my real camera out and just taking pictures with my iPhone.
Which I did for our Mommy/Kiddo trip to Holiday World. The last thing I wanted to do was have to worry about my nice expensive camera without an extra set of hands to help me.
My group of girlfriends decided this year that we would head out to Holiday World with just the Mommy's and kids. It was such a good trip. We rented a hotel room the night before, so the kids had a late night swim and what kid doesn't love to just stay in a hotel room? I know my kids do even if Dylan kept us up past midnight saying "Ho. Ho. Ho." (We were in Santa Claus, IN where Santa Claus is EVERYWHERE)
I conquered a fear of mine: WATER SLIDES.
I may of had a death grip on my children walking up the stairs. I may have literally not have been able to feel my legs walking up the stairs. But the water slides were a lot of fun. I couldn't leave my kids hanging when they were begging me to ride with them. :)
I also had a minor little panic attack riding these REALLY HIGH swings.
I mean, they were HIGH! I closed my eyes and was yelling at Drew to sit still. I kept crying " I wanna get down. I wanna get down" as Drew was laughing "I wanna go higher! I wanna go higher!" I have never been more happy to be on ground in my life. Whew. Never again.
Dylan rode his first Raging Rapids. Such a fun ride.
He is such a dare devil I could totally see him jumping out of a plane when he is older.
Oh and speaking of Dylan...we made a quick little trip to the First Aid section of the water park because he tripped and scraped his knee up pretty good. Now that the bandage is off weeks later he still has a slit in his knee. Oh...only Dylan....
My favorite part of Holiday World is the WAVE pools. I think it's the boys as well. What kid doesn't love to jump the waves? They could have jumped them for hours. And it was so nice to just sit there and relax on the side watching them.
We were completely exhausted by the end of the day. But the kids were so good for me!
Great trip!!
Later that week the boys had their Vacation Bible School Program. O.M.Goodness. Nothing cuter than sitting there watching your boys singing about God!
I usually never argue with Dylan about what he wants to wear. I let him dress in whatever just as long as we can leave the house. Pick your battles, right? But I draw the line at Dino shoes for church.
We have already spent a lot of time at my sister in law's pool. So thankful she let's us go over to her house all the time to swim. The boys love it.
Drew lost his second tooth. Yeh. He can stop anytime now!!!
Oh and he also likes to fall asleep in the bathtub in the mornings. Anyone else's kids do that or am I the only one who has a weirdo child??
Dylan has gained a whole new obsession with fishing. He wants to fish all the dang time.
This child could seriously live outside and hunt and fish and mow all day long and be the happiest child alive. He could not be any more boy.
Of course our summer has already consisted of lots and lots of baseball!
When Drew first started playing ball I took my camera and video camera to every game. Now I devote one game to picture taking Ha. Slacker? No. Just realized I do not need the same picture over and over and over.
He works so hard. But better yet, he loves to play. And that is all that matters to this Mama!
Oh and another reason I do not bring my camera to every game anymore is because usually my other monkey child is doing something crazy like this...
Ha. No, I have to say, Dylan is really starting to grow up a lot. He has began to really listen well to directions and has became a lot more well behaved. He still loves his crazy adventures and makes me laugh all the time. I can not believe his going to be FOUR in less than three months. Totally totally crazy!
So that's a catch up on our lives and our summer still has lots lots lots more to come!!!!
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